The day before the operation (which was cancelled) – May 2017

We got to the hospital at around 12pm ready for his pre-op and to talk about the level of amputation. Oliver’s surgeon is away on holiday however, she wants the surgery to be done as soon as possible so has asked her colleague who she thinks very highly of to carry out the surgery. We met with the surgeon and the orthopedic and they feel the best option is to go above knee and get rid of the tumor. I think the opinion from the oncologist made them rethink their previous decision and to not chance Oliver having to go through another amputation in later life. (Other than possible re-correction surgery) I felt a sense of relief as I felt this was the best option. Oliver was checked a couple of times throughout the day as his temperature was quite high. He was so poorly, finally one of the night nurses, who was brilliant may I add, noticed his temperature was too high asked for his bloods to be done and his swabs at 10.30pm poor little love. He hardly had any sleep and he was so unsettled. My mum and me were in the sensory room most of the night trying to cool him down. Mum stayed overnight with me in the room and slept on the floor, the nurse was so lovely she knew I needed her support. I got into bed around 1.00am I lay there I couldn’t switch off all I kept thinking about was the operation, so many scary thoughts, saying goodbye for the last time, seeing him with one leg for the first time. I felt sick with the thought I gave birth to a little boy with two legs and ten toes, not one leg and five toes. A part of my baby has died that’s not right, this is not what I planned, and I didn’t prepare myself for anything like this.

It was the morning of the operation. The blood results came back and there is a sign of infection. The doctor came in around 8.00am in the morning an hour before his surgery and said he has tonsillitis and a bulging eardrum. How could no one of picked this up the day before?? Poor little guy no wonder he was touching his ear for most of yesterday. It looked highly unlikely they would put him under anesthetic for a major operation. She went to speak to the anesthetist and the surgeons and they told us it was a complete no, they couldn’t put him under as it was too risky. I honestly couldn’t believe my luck; of all days for him to get poorly it happened the day of his operation.

I was so upset that it didn’t go as planned, but he just wasn’t ready and to be honest I look back and I’m so grateful the doctor picked up on the infection. He started the antibiotics that afternoon. The surgeons came in and spoke to us and were already clearing there diary to fit Oliver in for surgery the following Friday. I was praying so much for them to be able to fit him in, we’ve waited 4 months for this day and I don’t want to wait another month! Someone was looking over us when they came and told us they can operate next week.

I can’t wait to get rid of this horrible year that has brought my family and me so much sadness. I am however thankful for the strength it’s brought out within me that I didn’t think I had.

‘The appreciation for life and to be able to live a life, a future that I didn’t choose but chose me.’