On the 4th May 2017 we attended an appointment at the children’s hospital in Manchester to see the oncologist. We didn’t really have any idea what this appointment was for until we got there. An oncologist is a doctor that specializes in the treatment of cancer. Even though Oliver’s tumors are benign he needed to be seen by an oncologist because of the rapid growth because its not a very well known they don’t know the ‘nature of the beast’ as we were told.

Whilst we were waiting in the room surrounded by children who had different forms of cancer was heartbreaking. I have never seen anything like that before I honestly held the tears back. It really makes you realize how precious life is and how much you should appreciate what you have. Your health is the most important thing not materialistic items. There’s always someone in the world going through something worst than you are and every time I get myself into an emotional state I have to remind myself of this.

The oncologist looked at the tumors on Oliver’s leg and checked to make sure he couldn’t feel anymore. The MRI Oliver had last month showed he had ‘what he thought’ was a growth on each arm. My heart sank for a moment until my husband remembered he had his injections in both arms a couple of weeks before his MRI. He phoned the radiologist to double check if injections could cause hard small cysts under the skin. I felt so relived! He will be seeing Oliver again in July for his check up.

My husband and me have had so much love and support but you get that one person that honestly thinks Oliver will be able to stick his leg on and he will be up walking in a few years. It doesn’t work like that unfortunately, I wish it did but it doesn’t end when he has his leg amputated it’s the start!

The grieving for a loss of my child’s’ limb, for a child you thought you were going to have, the constant physio, rehabilitation, the limb fitting, introducing a knee joint in a few years, check ups for other nerve tumors, the list is endless. Yeah he will adapt because there is no other option, he has to, but I will see my child struggle in a way he shouldn’t. No one knows another persons life, another person’s nightmare, they just see the outside, that smile you have to put on your face when you feel like your breaking up inside.

I don’t think there is any point in sugar coating traumatic experiences or feeling bad for showing your emotions. its only natural and most of the time it helps to have a good cry. We’re only human, right?

It’s the 18th May today and I am feeling so emotional, my heart feels like its breaking. I knew I was having a bad day when I woke up and the first thing I did was pray for my little boy to try and help myself get through the day. Some days are harder than others but it feels like I’m on a rollercoaster.

Its been two weeks since we saw the Oncologist in Manchester and I felt like I had given enough time for him to consult with the oncologist in Birmingham so I spent most of the morning trying to get through to the hospital, honestly its like a job in itself chasing people! I spoke to his PA and she was so lovely, it makes a whole load of difference when you get someone so helpful especially you’re your going through such a difficult time. I received a phone call in the afternoon from the Oncologist in Manchester and was told the Oncologist in Birmingham

The advice he was given from the oncologist in Birmingham is to go above knee and he also feels the same. I couldn’t stress enough that we cant move forward with our lives and also how much pressure it is putting on me and my husband having to wait so long for an answer.

I received a phone call on the 24th May to confirm Oliver’s surgery in a couple days time. Ill be totally honest it hit me like a ton of bricks, thinking this time next week he wouldn’t have a leg, how your life can change in just a couple of hours. I decided to use my time effectively and pack our bags for the hospital and prepare myself as much as I could. Oliver has his pre-op tomorrow and will be staying the night in hospital ready for his surgery on Friday morning. Before we left from home Oliver started with a high temperature, as you can imagine my worst nightmare the day before his operation.

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