It was the 20th January and Oliver was going to have surgery on his leg for removal of the tumor behind his knee and two biopsies on his lower tumor.
I felt sick to my stomach, my heart was hurting I was so scared and no matter how many people tell you it will be ok no one feels your pain.
They asked us who wanted to take him down to surgery, well in their own words, who is the strongest? I knew I had to take him I am his mummy and I need to protect and be strong for him as much as I was hurting inside. We got in the anesthetist room, he was 9months old at the time they had to use a sedation mask first and they asked me if I want to do it or them, I mean I don’t want to be doing this at all but I had to do it. It was one of the worst moments in my life. I remember it like it was yesterday. The nurse looked at me and said give him a kiss, I couldn’t even look at him I was distraught I picked up my bag and walked out the room and my tears couldn’t hold back, I couldn’t raise my head I was broke I felt like I was crumbling the pain was indescribable. This was it, this was the moment I realised this is for real this is really happening.
A few hours later we went to see Oliver in recovery, he was just sitting on the bed, a little out of it but he made me so proud what a strong little boy. The surgeon told us the orthopedic would be in the surgery to take a look at the tumor and the bone, so I asked when we would be seeing him and he dismissed the question and said, we need to focus on the tumor.
We were also told some, what we thought was good news. The surgeon had managed to remove the lump behind his knee, but had said that there was still some residual residue of the nerve sheath tumor left behind his knee.